Monthly Archives: March 2017

Only You In Sight (Poem)

 

My mind is chaos, my heart is frozen with fear,

But none of that matters, when you are here.

I want to give you everything, I don’t want to scare you.

More than anything on earth, I want you, I just want to love you.

 

I’m trying not to hold you too tight,

I’m scared of losing you again, I’m afraid I might.

The distance is nothing, the cost is nothing,

Being with you makes it all worth it,

being with you is the only thing that feels right.

 

Nothing will keep me from holding on.

Apart from you, I’ll let go if you want me to.

The things I want to do, to be with you is crazy!

I’m in this for better or worse like.

Read in to that what you will,

My mind is focused and there’s only you in sight.

Write A Song (Poem)

I want to write a song,
A song full of torment, with cracked up vocals.
A song with lines to expose my hurt through rhymes.
I want to scream I want to cry.
I want to show all of you, I need a release.
 
There’s always someone around,
I cant be angry, I cant part with tears.
Its not fair, they don’t know me, I don’t want them to.
If they ask why I’ll just continue to cry, continue to break!
 
I want to be vulnerable, I don’t want to be a problem.
If I said I feel like dying, you’d ring for sirens, so I keep it hidden,
Play it off as a joke, dark humour, like man I was kidding.
I am beyond help, I’m beyond saving and I’m done chasing,
These demons, these ghost, man I hate them,
and to think I came so close!
 

Safe (Poem)

I don’t know how to feel safe,
Demons and monsters do exist,
They take everything away from me,
Just when I think I have beat them, they’re back again.
 
So who could ever love this, I’m exhausting.
I’m exhausted, no-one deserves this.
Is everything I offer, really worth this.
I’m lost in my emptiness, I’m lost in my fucked up mind.
I’m crawling back into my broken heart.
 
I take everything way too far, I feel everything way too much.
I’m suffocating on the nothingness I’m filled with.
Paranoia and doubt is part of me, in the way my right arm is.
I would love to control it, I just can’t, and I’m all too aware of what that means.
 

If this is True (Poem)

I feel all kinds of awful, I just need to be held.
Please, someone, anyone, let my fears be qwelled.
I feel I’m too much, at the same time not enough!
If this is true, this time there is no fixing me.
 
I will sleep until I kill everything inside of me.
I don’t want anyone, I cant bare anything.
Everything I hold within is eating at my skin.
I’m drowning in what I pray is my illness.
 
If this is true, I just cant!
 

Vile And Intolerant (Poem)

 

I’d be mad too, if I were you, followed that book like you.
Now you’ve got me angry, intellectually inferior, intellectually dishonest?
I would of let it go, but not now, oh no, call me something I’m not, I wont stop.
Simply put I believe your holy book to be a joke.
You can defend the people, I will too.
 
No violence you claim, they say faith is blind.
I would be beheaded, gays quick deaded in countries ruled by islam.
No violence you should be ashamed, know your faith before defending it.
Vile and intolerant is your religion, not my criticism.
 
You are why trump is in power,
Your weak mindedness gives credence to those shouting white power!
Ignoring the problem, cry bigot, screech islamophobic.
In other words, wrong think, shut up!
Islam is scary for real, marrying kids, they are still babies.
Justified by the quran though, non believers kill them.
 
Like a shot gun shell lately, your shit feels old.
Don’t twist my words either, I love all my muslim friends.
I just disagree that the religion is blameless.
I refuse to keep silent, I refuse to be called names.
 
Religion is cancer, the cure is education.
More religion, more conflict,
less religion more progression so get the fuck out of my way.
There can never be a religion of peace, when religion is the antitheses of peace!
 
I have no issue with people holding different beliefs to me.
Religious people in general are fine with me.
Just don’t dare tell me I have no right to criticize your beliefs.
To be clear, muslims good. Islam bad, Christians good. Christianity bad.
Atheists, well we are just right.
 

My Creation (Poem)

My music is too strange, not aimed to catch.
My Poetry is way too personal, I say too much.
It is all a fair representation, of what goes on under my dreadlocked hair.
I claim acceptance of my obvious differences, really though?
 
I wish so badly to connect,
but I have too much respect for myself, To ever conform.
to bend my awkwardness for a fleeting acquaintance.
I’m not ever to be, for everybody.
I’m far from a poets’ poet, I’m far from musicians music man.
I lack all of the theory, I was born thinking, I was formed composing.
 
My latest work in progress, says so much.
It has a new layer of happiness, spewed across chords of discord.
I’m constantly feeling everything, I’m ever fearing!
My creation is all the words I cant write,
My creation is all the Keys I cant strike.
 

Work? (Poem)

I only know how to write and compose.
Not really qualified in the first.
Not really accomplished in the latter.
My music is the focus of most my efforts
But they say they like what I capture,
When I form my thoughts into verse.

Would I work if I could?
Like this isn’t work?
Like I don’t try hard enough?
Like I am not good enough?
Because I cant stack shelves,
Because I cant physically “work”
If you couldn’t walk, would you?

You cant intercept, my intellect.
Socially dysfunctional, creatively untouchable.
So many words, I’m so close to saying them.

My job you ask?
My job is to manage stress and be me best.
My career goals are to help who I can, where I can and how I can.
Above races, above sexes, beyond abilities and past genders.

Still (Poem)

 

I wish I had a different way to channel of this,
I’m listening to “alone I break” and alone I do.
I cant relate to anything stable, in my mind, my thoughts are shameful.
I find it hard to like myself, impossible to love myself, I’m left to tolerate myself.
 
I’ll push you all away, too broken to make you stay.
The blank space in your words, are the nutrition for my monster.
If I am in your way, all you have to do is say, don’t leave me thinking.
I really don’t want to be this way, I really wish I was cold.
 
They wont help me until its too late,
I’m probably going to have to fuck it all up, just to get help.
I’m still scarred. I’m still the kid that got in the way.
I still feel helpless, I still have to relive this!
 

You Have My Heart, But I Have My Brain (Poem)

Step into my chaos, please stay.
Say the rain wont wash your love away.
My brain is faulty, my heart is still broken.
I don’t deal well with the unknowing.
My heart may be healing, but my paranoia is growing.
 
Your like the best anti depressant ever,
With the worst withdrawal symptoms ever.
Yeah baby, I’m coming down, don’t feel like much of a man now.
I was always low before, so I had from nothing to fall.
 
I almost want sadness, I know that so well.
This happiness is disconcerting, it really is unsettling.
I used to miss the past, now I miss the future.
I have no patience, I cant live in the moment.
I think till I sleep, I destroy, I hurt.
I imagine the worse, to soften the landing.
I become immersed in my imagination.
 
I just want to, live in a world, where we never have to leave.
A world where you could tell me you loved me, everyday.
A world where I could just believe it and couldn’t analyse it.
 
Don’t let my words confuse you, all of this is new.
The torment isn’t because of you, the anxiety isn’t because of you.
The volume has been raised in protest of your presence.
You have my heart, but I have my brain.
 

Fate? (Poem)

I wont take my “happy pills” when you’re here.
I don’t really need them when you’re here.
Anyway, I want to stay awake.
I want to feel you here.
 
Sure, I’ll be anxious, but not that kind of anxious.
No, the kind of anxious, where I wait for what you do or say next.
The worry is not of dying. Is it of what I do or say next.
Like, how do I make you believe the way I feel, how do I even describe it.
 
 
I don’t usually put much weight into ideas of faith and fate.
I cant believe in things I cant feel. For so long I couldn’t believe in happiness.
I saw you living, while I was dying. You got what you deserved and I got mine.
I never let you go, I thought I could but I never would.
I have faith in the way I feel, and to have you back here, well, shall we call it fate?