A Year On (Poem)

 

A Year on, this is, how far I’ve fallen,

I genuinely Hope, I’m drunk enough to choke on my own vomit.

Let’s pretend I’m okay… Lets pretend, this is a Poem And not a death wish.

It is strange indeed, to survive a suicide you never attempted.

Yet I planned it, yet I plan it, on the nightly, you said, you fucking loved me.

I’m still unstable, read this poem, read my corpse You said you fucking loved me!

 

I’m clearly not worth the grief, I’m clearly living the grief.

I’m nothing, to the only person, preventing my self imposed funeral.

Forgive me, I want you, I want you to hurt like me, I’m no big man!

All I could have given, and all that I can be, will never be enough.

I guess you could say I’m obsessed, cause I either want you, or I want death!

I really fucking do! I’m done trying, next chance I get, I’m gone!

 

There is not a legitimate part of me, wanting to live this life.

I’m not Alive for me, I’m around for everyone else, Fuck my life.

Sober or drunk, I’m still dead inside, I still have no place to hide!

Please, just know, the pain I feel is way too real for me to feel.

I would do anything to live without this, trust me, given the chance, I would Die!

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