Category Archives: Poetry

End Everything

I’m fading again, I’m still falling.

I crawl back to you, your Facebook page.

I did so well to avoid this for months.

With sadness, comes the flood and the empty.

Inside voices, screaming, I am nothing, I should end me!

 

New people, same me, New day, same anxiety.

Face facts, this is it, face facts, lets end all of this.

End everything, end everything, just end everything,

I don’t want to be anything, independent, failure, nothing.

From a place where, no one is really anyone, look who I am

 

This is torture, to be forced to live.

To be forced to fade away,

To be forced to feel it all,

To do nothing but watch your own downfall

 

Cripple, Burden, Profit Margin

 

Laptop on 51 percent, I’m on much less,

I’m not tired, I’m just empty. Wish you could feel this with me.

I’m ready to unplug, but I have to wake up charged!

Service user, client, patient… cripple, burden, profit margin.

 

Offer me freedom, hand me a noose.

Trust in you, trust in me, I’m far too old, to trust in anybody.

I’ll flash you a smile, just to get this over with, I feel so cold and I’m not sorry.

Don’t take any of this personally, this is just a process of feeling reality.

 

Turn me over, pull me out, let me sleep.

Watch me struggle, watch me survive.

Watch me act like I really want to be alive      

Kyle. Poet. Kyle. Disabled. Kyle. Musician. Kyle. Mentally Ill

Chasing Distraction (Poem)

 

I’m chasing distraction, I’m hiding from reality.

Avoiding my inside, faking on the outside.

That I’m ok, that I believe, that there is something more for me.

I don’t want to live to be a failure but I don’t want to die a wasted life.

 

Block me off, numb me out, give me my medicine, I’ve hit the wall!

Is there more to me, or is this it, the anxious broken mind doomed to fall!

Give me some of anything to qwell this thirsty ache, I’m ready to break.

I’m so loved by all, yet I feel so little of it. I need someone, please let me out!

 

This isn’t just hurt, this is mental and emotional decay.

It gets in, it cuts deep, it lays to rest then pulls me back in, can I never win?

It shows me, the things I will never have, it tells me that it is ALL I have.

Is it telling the truth, is it all a distortion, is this really all I am?

I Wanted To Write An Angry Song (Poem)

I wanted to write an angry song, but I wrote yet another sad song.

I want to show you, my venom, I feel poisoned, I feel unable.

I’m still buried by this, still crushed by all of it, it means nothing to you.

I want so bad, for you to comprehend, the void and the chasm, the empty shell.

 

I know I said I forgave you, like the way, you said I could trust you.

I cant forgive you, I’m to busy trying to forget you.

Sack the happy times, I should have never met you.

I’m so dead to you, I was almost dead because of you.

You show no signs of care, no signs of guilt.

Like I slashed my wrist, and the only thing, that bothered you.

Was how the blood would look on you. Quickly wash it away from you.

 

I’m past loving you, although I still do.

You are a virus, I’m patient zero.

You change feelings, like I write poems.

You are hidden, but I see you, I see all of you.

 

Please Love Me (Poem)

Love me Please, Please for the love of coffee, love me

I beg you, not to tell me, to love myself, I don’t believe I can.

I’m sorry I’m so dead, so empty, staring into a lonely abyss.

Please try to, love me and my wreckage, me and my hurt.

 

Witness my torment, understand my Turmoil

I’m as broken as they come, not much of a man, I’m barely a human.

I’m a swift swipe left, a sudden step back, an awkward gaze.

I don’t do happy, I don’t do sad, I do crazy, I do straight suicide.

I have zero balance, I’m well aware of my punctuated heart ache.

I’m as hopeless as I am faithless, so guarded, so dangerous.

 

Love me, this is all of me. Feel empty with me.

Come see all the dark, come hide my scars.

Come distinguish, a love song, from a suicide note.

Lets plan a wedding, Love me, lets plan my funeral, love me.

Get Out (Poem)

 

I’m not against having a good time, but fuck “sesh life”

Son of an alcoholic, graduate and non working class observer.

Abuse and neglect attached to substance misuse.

Theres having a good time, there’s having a problem

I’m no saint, I lack the resources to become what most remember dad for.

Lets be real, lets be honest, our blood is biased, our love is rose coloured.

 

We are failing to learn from tragedies,

We are drinking our futures into trauma

Deal with this or die a cut out, die a number.

Take some responsibility, have a look at the scars, your scalding.

Be boring, be a geek, be a loner, better than being a drunk.

 

Its so pathetic, but its what we know.

No jobs, no education, no hope.

Dare you be different, dare you need love dare you need help

Be mocked, be ignored, be bullied, find a way to forget

 

In that place nobody is anyone,

Low life is the only kind of life.

No-one really tries, no-one wants to learn.

Get out, Get out, Get out, Get out Get Out.

  

Who Am I / Where Did I Go? (Poem)

 

Who am I? where did I go? I really don’t know anymore.

I write these words, I make that music, but it all feels pointless!

Life has swallowed me, love has emptied me, now I resent my existence!

If I could cry, if I could scream, if I could express emotion.

Perhaps I wouldn’t go straight to suicide as a response to a minor hindrance.

 

I’m not sure on how much I really want to die, I just know,

I don’t really want to live, this life and I’m too hurt to change.

I’m too scared to try I’m too scared to believe, cause look at where that got me.

I am not living for me, I’m living for all of you. I’m existing not to harm you.

I need a break from myself, so I over sleep, I cant feel if I don’t wake up.

I wish I didn’t feel so lost inside, wish I could just go and hide.

I don’t remember a time when I felt stable.

My last truly positive emotions, were woven by a liar!

Those feelings are clouded and corrupted, by dishonesty and manipulation.

Suicide is short hand for control, actual control.

an end to the chaos but an end to everything, like it or not its an easy way out!

I’m too stubborn for that, I may feel like that,

but I don’t really think I could do that.

This could be something?

We are chatting, so lets chat.

Would you, swipe right on me?

You like, my words, I like you, all I know of you.

I barely know you, I’m scared to think, cause I’m scared to think.

 

I tell you, your pretty, I play hide and seek.

I pull back, I go silent. I feel cold I grow distant.

I’m bruised, aren’t you too, I don’t want to speak too soon.

Maybe this is stupid, I’m certain this dangerous, but you seem safe.

 

I want to run away, help me run away from reality?

By the way, you are pretty, why do I feel so creepy…

Have I said too much, have I spoke to soon,

I’m sorry, take this as me playing, I’m not meaning to play with you,

But I’d like to make you smile, could you help me learn to smile?

I don’t want to scare you, and I’m scared to admit I like you.

I don’t want to burden you with my feelings,

Are these feelings, are these thoughts, is this nothing, this could be something?

Replace The Broken (Poem)

It must be so nice, to just hit erase, to just replace the broken,

I don’t matter to you, I never really did, love is a word to you.

I don’t care any longer, I’m done protecting you, you are not an angel.

I doubt you even deserve to be happy, for the shit you’ve done to me.

 

I hope you one day, really feel, the brokenness inside of me.

I hope you fall in love with him, I hope you Idolize him, I hope you worship him.

I hope he tells you, to plan a future with him, I hope you do,

I hope he tells you he loves you, I hope you believe him.

I hope he plays you, hope he takes all of you, then leaves you,

Hope he feeds you more lies, tells you, the both of you can be close,

Then I hope he questions your mental state, laughs at your broken heart,

Hope he ignores your existence, leaves you a fool from the start.

 

I guess I’m showing my true colours, now you’ve shown me yours.

I guess I’m Vengeful, want to see you fall as I rise.

Thank you though, your making me realise,

I don’t want a bitch, I want something real,

something that feels. Something that’s real,

something nothing like the person you’ve became to me!

Just So You Know (Poem)

Just so you know, what I’m about to say, I don’t expect to change anything.

I love you, like you don’t know, I miss you, I cant seem to let you go.

No BS I would die for you, I’d give my life for you, no doubt and you know.

You could murder my relatives, spit in my face and leave without a trace.

I’d still love You A, just so you know, my life feels empty without you.

 

I don’t care how pointless all of this is,

I love you and I will never stop, I don’t want to.

This wedding is messing with me, I should have been talking about you.

Now I’m going to be there sitting awkwardly wishing I’d disappear.

Not being happy and seeing my future, our future in those feelings.

This is going to hurt like hell, without you, I cant love myself.

 

Just so you know, I’m still alive, if merely being, counts.

I’m a spec of who you made me, that guy does not resemble me.

This doesn’t feel like living, just barely surviving,

Just so you know, I love you