I apologise for not being a fighter, depression is as toxic as my ex lover.
I’m sorry for all this heaviness, I’m sorry for the lack of hope, I swear I’m sorry.
I’m perpetually guilty, Perpetually Angry, I’m not anyone I’d like to be.
I heard, Success has as much to do, with the reaction to failure,
than it has to do with hard work and ability.
Where does that leave me? I’ve lost my work ethic and getting up is too much effort.
Inside I am glass though, so fragile, so sharp, but I only cut myself.
I think about the past, I think about uni, I think about you and me.
That feels like a different life a different me with different plans.
So I apologise for not living up to my own demands.
I should be better than this, I used to be better than this!
I’m sorry to my family, Christmas is so close and I’m so scared.
Down here I can hide, facing you is like facing reality,
Like everyone is building there family, making a future and I just can’t.
I’m sorry to my friends, I go off radar, I go scaling buildings, with my obsessive thoughts. You always show up to talk me down.
I try to put a wall up but you always see through.
I feel as though I can never really thank you,
I feel as though I’m never there for you.
I really do want to get better but I don’t believe I can.
I apologise profusely, for the way I’ve changed,
believe me, this was never the plan.
I’ve lost sight of all sense emotionally,
Somewhere beneath these negative thought patterns and destructive behaviours,
Is a life worth living and a man worth saving, I only hope he’s still reachable.